02 May 2010

Praise Be! I am a Highly Dorky Nerd Queen!

I always knew that I was a nerd. It's a personality trait that manifested itself early in my life and has stayed with me into adulthood. And I know that many of you, dear online friends, are fellow nerds.

But what is a nerd, some of you may wonder? A nerd, my dear gentle readers, defies description. As to paraphrase Louie Armstrong, if you have to have it described to you, you aren't one. However, the best definition I have found:

"Nerd is a term, often bearing a derogatory connotation or stereotype, that refers to a person who passionately pursues intellectual activities, technical or scientific endeavours, esoteric knowledge, or other obscure interests that are age-inappropriate, rather than engaging in more social or popular activities. Therefore, a nerd is often excluded from physical activity and considered a loner by peers, or will tend to associate with like-minded people."

If you substituted the opening word "nerd" with Zella, you would have a perfect description of myself, except for maybe the bit on technical and scientific endeavors. And what do I consider nerd qualifications?

I take optional finals for fun.

I collect encyclopedias.

I celebrate Sherlock Holmes's birthday and have an extensive argument for why that is in January and not in June.

I am pretty sure that Sherlock is real and alive and well, but nobody else believes me.

I can recite a Coen Brothers' movie quote for every occasion.

I read short stories in school anthologies that are not assigned to me.

I delight in being a non-conformist.

I think that grammar quizzes are fun.

I wrote two 70+ reports on Russian revolutionary thought when I was a high school senior and enjoyed every minute of it.

I like writing research papers.

I have only been invited to three birthday parties in my entire life. (The memories still traumatize me . . .)

I know the difference between inferring and implying and will judge you when you confuse the two.

I have more online friends than I have real life friends.

My real-life friends (with the exception of one normal person) are all strange. Not serial killer strange. But definitely strange.

I don't understand why anyone would hate Shakespeare.

I celebrate his birthday (the assumed date of his birth, anyway).

It distresses me that Kafka led an unhappy life.

I have a somewhat extensive battle plan for nerds to take over the world.

I know the difference between prefrontal and transorbital lobotomies and have performed them both on a skeleton for a live audience and scared my classmates witless in the process. :D

I have gotten into extensive online fights over Jane Eyre, Pink Floyd and Lord of the Flies. (Not together.)

I wear glasses and am nearly legally blind.

I am the queen of Trivial Pursuit and Risk.

I did a book inventory when I was twelve and stopped counting at twelve hundred.

I have only gotten rid of a half dozen books since then and buy about two hundred books a year.

Over thirty of my books are on Russian history.

Another twenty are on grammar/English/linguistics.

I compulsively buy books, just in case I may read them. Case in point: I got a free college chemistry instructor's manual at school Friday, just in case I ever want to read it. (I never will.)

I started reading at the age of two but was considered autistic for not being able to follow directions. (Just because I won't doesn't mean I can't.)

I think it's perfectly normal to talk to myself.

I name all of my possessions after favorite fictional characters.

I correct the grammar on the study guides I get at school.

I use words like "Forsooth" and "Alas" in conversation.

I do not drink coffee, but I own a coffee cup that says "I read a latte."

I cry when fictional characters die in books.

I read dictionaries and encyclopedias.

People always tell me I am a nerd.

I have taken an online nerd test for fun.

And now, because of this last item, I finally have honest-to-goodness proof that I am a nerd, because it is official: I am a Highly Dorky Nerd Queen. *points to nerd graph below*

NerdTests.com says I'm a Highly Dorky Nerd Queen.  Click here to take the Nerd Test, get nerdy images and jokes, and talk to others on the nerd forum!

I was surprised with the results for science, math, and technology, for I consider them nerdy weak points of mine. I am thinking that the fact that I know what computer codes are, without being able to use them, helped me out. The history/literature one I am quite proud of--I mean, those are my majors! I think I should be able to use this when I apply to grad school. The dork one makes me happy. This explains why I always stare at my shoes during face-to-face conversations. ^^

Now tell me, my dear nerd friends, what qualifies you as a nerd? And how did you score? *awaits fellow nerd scores happily* :D

P.S. My fellow grammar geeks will savor this meditation upon the dreaded alot. Enjoy!


  1. i read all the time & i am a nerd...but i couldnt read until i was 6...i almost failed preschool because i couldnt read...

  2. YOU NERD the only place with more books than you is the Library of Congress I bet...:D

    I'm more into the science stuff than english. I suck at english, but I suck at math to, which = failure as a scientist, so, basically, I'm doomed for life. But reading Hamlet in english class was totally worth it just to understand Scott's last flash fiction piece!

  3. Amarantha, *nerdy high five* Yay for bookworm nerds! I think that reading is something that everyone comes to at their own pace and shouldn't be forced into by arbitrary school requirements. My brother has dyslexia and couldn't read until he was in elementary school. This is embarrassing to admit, but I couldn't tie my shoes until I was seven. It drove my family crazy! :D

    Sky, Hehe I envy the Library of Congress. If only they would let me live there . . .
    Oh no! I hate math, too. We are nerds united in a hatred for math! Do you like biology? From what I have heard (and based on the college bio class I took last year), it doesn't require the math that more chemistry or physics-based science classes do. Perhaps you could talk to a guidance counselor and he/she should be able to guide you toward something that you would enjoy that doesn't involve evil math. :)

    Thanks to both of you for commenting! :)

  4. Wait, no! I love maths!
    Also, more than 12 hundred books!? I am so jealous.

  5. Yay for nerds! I was just thinking this afternoon, "wouldn't it be cool if there were a yearly gathering, just for nerds?"
    Then it hit me- there is, it's called comic-con. xD I think I'll be going this year.

    I'm half science/math/computer nerd, half word nerd, fairly equally. Plenty of the things on your list applied to me as well, esspecially the grammar tests are fun bit. I was having so much fun on the grammar portion of the ACT I was almost sad to move on.
    Except I collect dictionaries, not encyclopedias. :D

  6. Chairman, Would you help us with our math homework? :) I'll share my books with you! :D

    Feathery, You're a very versatile nerd! :D Hehe The ACT English test was fun! I liked that better than the math part. I looked forward to grammar quizzes in English Comp 1. I was the only one in class who did... :(

    Thanks to both of you for commenting! :)

  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

  8. I only deleted the comment above (if it shows as deleted) due to a typo. I hate typos.

    I scored the same on the math ACT as I did on the reading, and two points higher in grammar/writing.

    I took the quiz!
    I'm a Slightly Dorky Nerd Queen :D

    And by the way I apologize for having Hannah drug you in the latest installment of the story. x)

  9. @Feathers: Epitome of a nerd by deleting that xD

    So I'm not the only one who is sad my favorite authors were unhappy even if they've been dead for years!?

    I would have loved to the see the surgery on the skeletons and your classmates scared witless....

    Currently, there are books on every surface of my room, excluding my bed. I've stopped telling my family what I'm reading because they look slightly concerned over my love of odd Russian authors and explanations of how the brain works (hey, I love those!)

    I write essays for fun too...that may explain why my assigned essays are a little late....

  10. Feathery, *high fives fellow nerd queen* I hate typos as well. They are the bane of my existence. Wow! That's amazing to be that evenly matched on the ACT. My math score was still pretty good, but it was, erm, 8 points lower than the English one. :D I shall go investigate what you have done to me! (Why is everyone hurting me in the flash fiction posts this week? It's not as if I ever hurt anyone in one--, oh, right, never mind. :D)

    Rebel, Yes, Rebel! I get very attached to authors. I also hold a grudge against Hemingway for things he said about Fitzgerald, Faulkner, and Steinbeck. I still own my skeleton for demonstration, if you're interested. :D Who are your favorite Russian authors? I plan on doing some Russian lit reviews for my blog this summer.

    Thanks to both of you for commenting! My fellow nerds make me happy. :)

  11. WHAT did Hemingway say about Steinbeck!? *horror* I've never read Hemingway so I was spared this affront (although he is on my impossibly long reading list).

    I can't get that mental image out of my head....Zella, scaring her class witless, by performing surgery on a skeleton. The only way that could be improved was if you narrated it with an accent. I think I'm going to like college... xD

    Tolstoy, Chekhov, Dostoyevsky...I can't spell the rest of their names off the top of my head...but I've been repeatedly told by my dad to go find 'kid things to do' so I take it this is not a suitable hobby for 17 year olds...I beg to differ.

  12. He was just sort of flippant about all of them, insinuating that his work was better. I have read some Hemingway. He is a very talented writer, but his work can be a bit frustrating. It's definitely a matter of individual taste.

    I hadn't thought of an accent . . . Muahahah :D

    I agree with you. Acting one's age is overrated.