17 June 2010

I Am Not a Total Bald-faced Liar . . .

I am a bit ashamed of my shameless lies. I mean, I try to be honest--though some of you bragging on my lying abilities flattered me and made me wonder if I should lie more often Muahahahahah--so I feel indebted to come clean and tell the truth. *cough*

1. When I was 5, I became so angry at a boy I had a crush on because he kept ignoring me that I decided to get his attention by running up to him at recess and then shrieking "I hate you! I hate you!" before kicking him in the crotch. He still hides from me to this day.

False The basic details of this story are true--you know what they say about a woman scorned--but I was actually 6 when this happened. In a further note of nitpickiness, I actually screamed "I hate you, Charlie! I hate you!" because I wanted him to know this was not a random attack or a case of mistaken identity. Also, I haven't seen this guy in ten years, so I have no idea if we would hide from me or not, though he did hide last time I saw him. I have no idea why . . .

2. I know how to make a guitar out of a gas can.

Before I tell you the answer to this one, I am going to tell you a story. Most of you know my dad served in the 82nd Airborne. During his time in the paratroopers, my dad did 2 nine month tours of duty in the Sinai desert in the early 1980s. During those tours, my dad did a lot of patrols, and he witnessed some interesting things. One night his squad had been walking for several hours in the desert when they heard an eerie noise wafting over the dunes. The more they walked, the closer the noise got, and the more it unnerved them. They had never heard such an otherwordly noise. My dad and his comrades started to get nervous. They asked for permission to lock and load their weapons. Their lieutenant was also rattled, so he gave them permission. So . . . they rounded the next dune, arms drawn, prepared to blow whatever it was to smithereens. They did not see a djinn or a ghost. But they did see a highly intoxicated man wailing mournfully in Arabic, while accompanying himself on a guitar made out of a gas can. So the answer is . . .

False. I have no idea how to make a guitar out of a gas can, but I know it can be done.

3. When I was 7, I loved the book Matilda so much that I hid the school's copy in my desk the entire year and disavowed all knowledge of its whereabouts, so nobody else would take it from me.

False. This did happen, but I hid Bunnicula all year from everyone, not Matilda, though I did adore that book, too. Nobody was taking away my vampire bunny book until I was finished obsessing!

4. I never once got in trouble at school, because I was a goody-two-shoes. Or should I say I never once got caught getting in trouble at school. ^^

False. I got in trouble once. I was in kindergarten, and I had been told to not skip on the way back to class after lunch. But I was pleased with my skipping skills (I could skip and not trip and fall--a small miracle seeing as I could not do this while attempting to walk) and I was the teacher's pet, or at least I thought I was because I didn't eat crayons, so I skipped, anyway. She yelled at me and when we got back to class, I got my card--which always stayed on green for being good--moved to yellow as a warning. My card had never been moved before. I was the only kid in class who had never had the card moved. I was so distraught that I sobbed hysterically all afternoon, which interrupted my teacher's reading lesson so much that she had to stop and reassure me that I was not in trouble and my card would be back to green the next day. I still kept crying. I wept all during naptime, too. Everyone else napped while I laid awake, sniffling into my little nap mat and reflecting on my evil skipping crime. I was inconsolable until I came back the next day and saw that my card was green. (Did I mention I was a sensitive child?)

5. When I was a child, I wanted to be a veterinarian, because I loved puppies and kitties and they loved me! When I was told I'd have to touch blood, I shrugged. Puppies and kitties would need help, anyway! But when I was told I'd have to touch saliva, I lost all interest.

True. Blood has never bothered me, but spit? EWWWW! That is the most vile thing ever. I even get hysterical when I get dog slobber on me. Seeing large quantities of blood does not bother me--even if it is my own. I used to dissect things as a kid with absolutely no problem. Seeing someone spit makes me want to vomit, which incidentally enough also grosses me out. When I see vomit or spit, I vomit and when I vomit, well, you get the picture. I sure hope you're not eating while reading this. I think I made a wise decision in deciding to be an English and history major.

6. When I was a junior in high school, my local homeschoolers' group took a week long trip to Chicago. My first day there I ended up getting lost at O'Hare Airport and spent hours walking in circles, wondering where everyone was. I finally gave up and sat on my luggage until someone noticed that I looked confused and pathetic. It works every time.

False. This one is so false it is not even funny. I have never been to Chicago. (But I would like to go. Al Capone Museum, here I come! *cough*) In fact, the farthest north I have been is southern Illinois. I have not been in an airport since I was nine. I have never been lost in an airport. Even though I was homeschooled in middle school and high school, my family never had anything to do with the local homeschool groups. We're lone wolves. I also am someone who, though painfully shy, am assertive when I need to be. I get proactive when I get lost. Finally, and this point is not to be underestimated, but I am also lazy--I would march up to the nearest desk and ask for help before I circled a large airport several times.

7. I am so shy that when I was twelve, I entered a local talent contest to play the piano and froze on stage. I got over my stage fright by running off stage and never getting on it again.

I am so shy that I have never entered a talent contest. I am self-taught on the piano and would never, ever have the nerve to play it in front of anyone. I have run away from social gatherings before, though. ^^

Okay, I promised e-cookies for those of you who correctly guessed the right answer. Three of you deduced the right answer--Feathery, Patrice, and Sky. Yayayayayayayayayay! Congratulations! Each of you get a lifetime supply of e-cookies!

*looks around at other followers who are begging for e-cookies* Oh, all right, each of you can get one. *hands out a cookie to everyone*

Am I not merciful? AM I NOT MERCIFUL? *develops deranged Joaquin Phoenix-like glare* Sorry! I watched Gladiator this weekend, and it has two of my favorite actors in it--Phoenix and Russel Crowe--and I really enjoy randomly quoting it. It also greatly saddens me that Phoenix is no longer acting and that people think he is insane, though he probably is. Come back, Joaquin. :(

On that totally random note, I will leave. :D


  1. Thanks for the cookie, t'was fun learning the answers! :D *munches*

    Oh goodness, nerd twin, we have ~more~ in common. I laughed so much at #1 when you said the falsity was that you were six, not five. I did something incredibly similar (except I didn't kick him ~there~, and he didn't reject me- I never did ask him what he thought of me, he just made me so mad with his teasing all the time, which conflicted with my confused "why do I think he's cute?" feelings) when I was in first or second grade. I saw the boy nine years later and he was descent enough to strike up a (short) conversation. The whole time I was praying he forgot the incident...:S
    As for 4, I have a similar story as well. We had the whole green/yellow/orange/red card system in elementary, and the two times I ever had my card changed to yellow I ended up crying uncontrollably. Sensitive is almost not a strong enough word for what I was.
    I do think I was the only one who's mom hugged and comforted them when they sobbingly brought home a yellow card notice. x)

  2. :O Our nerd twinnedness is truly astonishing, Feathery! :D

    Hehe Yes, I am somewhat ashamed of my first grade outburst, but he, in many ways, did deserve to be chastized, though I admit my method was a bit, ahem, harsh. I did see where he graduated from a tech program at the communtiy college I attended, so I am curious if I ever ran into him in the hallways, though I doubt it because the tech program is on another campus.

    Awwww That's sweet that your mom comforted you. :) I don't remember what my parents' reaction was. I may not have told them. My shame over my skipping was great. :D Sensitive probably isn't strong enough to describe me, either. Maybe fragile? :D

  3. *commmunity college

    Typos drive me crazy. :D

  4. Highly sensitive and fragile sounds about right. :D
    Haha I was so embarrassed about it later it wasn't funny. xP Ah well, I was an interesting child. I've been wondering of late what will happen if I run into some of my old school acquaintance at college, because it's very possible. Not sure if I'll try and see if they remember me or not, because I have no idea how people saw me back then. xD

    Typos drive me crazy as well. I am worried about how grammatically aware I've become in the past couple years-- I found THREE obvious grammar errors in the Percy Jackson book I finished yesterday. D: Still, it was one of the best books I've read in a great while. :D

    AHHHH I have to give a SPEECH tomorrow! *panicks*
    Ah well, I'd better get some rest now.

  5. psh, so very nitpicky.

    My brother did a project on Bunnicula once....he had to make a stamp. I had to help him, because he procrastinated until the night before, and somehow that translates to me bailing him out.

    *still cannot comprehend stage fright, although she is aware that it exists*

    Now I have a sudden and urgent desire for chocolate chip cookies.

  6. haha, when I was 6, I was still under the impression that the opposite gender carried cooties or something...I didn't understand crushes or any of it until well into middle school...

    my school's green-yellow-red system is downright pathetic (for me anyways). We got a sticker if we were able to stay at "green" all day, and when we collect enough stickers we get a prize. We kept all the stickers on a sheet in our binder. Out of 180 school days, I got...7 or 8 stickers?

    and YAY!!! data-cookies! e-breakfast. Now I just need some milk to go with it. I'm hungry. Today is my first day of summer. I am sad.

  7. @Feathery: Hehe I am a grammar nazi, of sorts, which drives people around me crazy. I can't help it! However, it does have its perks. Methinks my anal retentive obsession with grammar is what helped snag me a post as student editor of my college's literary journal and should serve me well as an English major, at least in theory . . . :D

    Which Percy Jackson book did you just finish? I just finished the last book about an hour ago! *Twilight Zone music*

    @Patrice: Hehe Lucky that the e-cookies you received are . . . chocolate chip cookies! :D

    The Bunnicula stamp sounds amazing! Hehe What design did you go with? I am envisioning Bunnicula with his white carrot . . . or maybe the cat beating him with a steak. (That was my absolute favorite part!) :D

    sky: Yayayayay for the summer! Here, have some milk.

    Awww That sticker system does not sound fun. :( I don't think we had anything like that to supplement our card system. I only went to one elementary school, so I didn't realize how common it was for schools to use the card system.

  8. It was the second Percy Jackson book I just finished, I'm waiting for my sister to finish the third so I can I read it. I've been saving myself the trouble of reserving those horribly hard to obtain books at the library by just grabbing it from my sister when she's done and promising to return it for her. :D

  9. Ah, tis a good plan. I battled the library wait list for four months, before caving in and buying the fourth one . . . only to come home to an e-mail telling me my book had just arrived at the library. *cries*

    All of the novels are very good and much like the first one, though occasionally I have to roll my eyes at Percy, most specifically at one sentence in book 4. But overall he's a great narrator and hero, and as a myth geek, I love all of the mythological references! :D

  10. You have some great stories to tell. And I think I would not mind being lost at an airport with you. I feel sure we'd survive. (note to self: when building guitar, be sure to remove gasoline!) =]

  11. Aww, thanks, Eric! :D

    Hehe Yes, if, in theory, we were all stranded in an airport in a Lost-like scenario, we would spare ourselves by marching up to the nearest help desk and demanding answers. :P

    Yeah, I think the gasoline may ruin the acoustics of the guitar. ^^

    Thanks for following! :D